For years I have hidden- hidden from my past- from my mistakes- from the things that I am incapable of doing.  One by one I have failed the people I love the most- the friends that have proven to be true, the family that has been entrusted to me…  Instead of making things right –  I run.

There is this sick side of me that believes that eventually I will get it just right- that I will not have to admit that I was unable to do the task I said I would do.  The fear of being known as the one that failed- the one that did not get to do this or that- the one that never finishes what she starts haunts me, so I catch myself in a cycle of perpetual failing.

I fail = I hide because I failed which in turns leads to more failure … and so the cycle goes on.

I have let many people down.

I overcommit and then shut down.

I am unable to produce what is expected of me.

I don’t have the courage it takes to actually say no or to admit my failures.

I take time looking at myself and my inabilities and I spend countless hours doing one of three things:

1. reinventing a way to be able to make “the task at hand” happen
2. “soothing” my guilty conscious with mindless tasks that keep me occupied
3. thinking I have other important things to do other than simply fulfill what has been asked of me

And so I wonder… Am I the only one that goes through this?

I am tired of living life carrying a load I was not meant to carry once in Christ- trying to act my way through life as though I did not need anyone or anything.  The reality is that if I did not need anything- if indeed I am capable of doing anything out of my own accord- then I would have had no need for the Savior that gives meaning to my entire existence.

The more I try to hold on to my life- the more I lose it (Luke 17:33)…  The more I try to act like I am fine- the more lonely I feel.  The more I tell myself I can do it- the least I am able to function.  Who am I kidding?  God is not fooled! (Galatians 6:7)

It was the broken that wept at His feet and found healing- the ones who dared to look past the dirty looks of those around them – it was these who saw His gaze and were transformed.  So like the woman who bled for 14 years (Matthew 9: 18-25), or the Samaritan woman (John 4:1-45) that chose to draw water alone, or perhaps like the woman that wept at His feet and washed His feet with her tears (Luke 7: 36-50)– I stand in front of you and say – I am not well under the masks and the facade.

God did not save me so that I would act my Christianity- or simply know about Him- He saved me so that He could live through me.  The God that created the entire universe- The ONE whose voice holds the earth in its axis lives inside of me- so even when a failure – I am His daughter… and so are you!

Women all over the world are faking it..  Acting their way through their Christian life as though that would make the doubts and the pain go away.  When did it become ok to simply fit in to the mold the world laid out for us?  When did we stop taking God at His Word?  When did we stop believing that His power and love is meant to transform even our lives?

Hosea 4:6 showcases a plea the Lord makes to His people.  In it He states that His people are destroyed because of their lack of knowledge.  I am tired of being defeated and destroyed simply because I do not know Him and who I am in Him. I am tired of seeing other women struggle in the same way.

I invite you to my broken journey.

I choose to let go of the 10,000 things I hold on to, and choose to simply let the Lord’s 300 be enough….

Would you walk this journey with me – in full transparency and frailty… ?  It is time!

Love in Christ,

Nana

PS: If you are willing to start walking this journey with me, please leave a comment. I would like to know how I can pray for you..

You have all probably heard of the story about Peter walking on water. The disciples are out on the boat and they see Jesus approaching them as He walked on water. Peter immediately jumps out of the boat to meet His Master and was ACTUALLY ABLE to walk on water himself while he remained focused on Jesus. Once on the water, he began to get distracted by the pounding waves around him and began to go under water, so Jesus had to save him. (You can read this text from the Bible by clicking here: Matthew 14:22-23)

What a clear picture of what I was talking about! The waves distracted Peter from the very ONE that created the waves. Peter was filled with worry, anxiety, and stress because he chose to look at his trial instead of staring at the One who could get him out of that trial.

In the same way we all get distracted during our trials and we forget that we too have been given a very clear “picture” to look at: Jesus Christ. May we keep our eyes focused on Him so that the trials that come our way would be a tool the Lord uses to get us closer to Himself and not the very thing that separates us from Him.

Here is a layout I created a little while ago after a “battle” with the Lord where a trial had taken over me. I literally envisioned this Hand reaching out to me the way Jesus did with Peter.

I pray that you would be healed today by knowing that He too extends His hand out to you. Here is a little letter I found:

My Princess:

As I look at the layout I am perplexed by one reality. The darkness in this picture makes everything blur out: everything except the cross! . I wonder if sometimes God brings the fog so that we can refocus on that which is good: to know Him! Life tends to distract us from what is good for us. The clear paths that we are used to walking in become unclear and we find ourselves, (like Peter) , trying to walk on stormy waters looking at the waves instead of looking at the ONE who MADE the waves!

The Bible says that the heart is deceitful above all things (Jeremiah 17:9) and the Lord has come to prove to me that it is so. My heart may tell my mind that there is no hope, yet the cross of Christ shines forth a different message. You see, no matter how difficult your problem is, how dark your night might get… there is no darkness that Christ cannot break. If you are in a hole, the Truth is that there is no hole deep enough that Christ is not even deeper still. And so this picture speaks volumes!

When your world becomes shady and foggy ask God to give you His eyes to see. You never know what beauties He might be hiding for you in the Shadow of His Wings!

Love in Christ,

Nana

PS: Layout by Scrap Arcs from Faith-Sisters.

Well, never in a million years would I have imagined that the Lord would listen to the desires of my heart and send this my way:

My friend and I were finishing the last minute details in the Studio when a gentlemen walks in and asks for Nana Campana. He had the bouquet of flowers in his hand!! Immediately I thought, “My hubby sent them!” and I rushed right over to read the note. To my surprise, it was not my husband… Actually it wasn’t even anyone I know!! Apparently there is a flower shop down the street that found out that I was opening and they were welcoming me and letting me know that they are more than capable of creating beautiful arrangements! LOL

Now, bare with me for a second. What are the odds of THAT happening? As I thought about it I remembered my little prayer and was very humbled and grateful. You see, if someone I knew would have sent it, it would have not been the same. The fact that a TOTAL STRANGER sent me the flowers meant (in my heart) that the Lord wanted me to KNOW that He heard my prayer and that HE alone answered it. He moved in the heart of a complete stranger to send me a beautiful arrangement. I actually received flowers from a KING! 🙂

Now, you would think that it would have stopped there… but it did not. I left to shower and came back to officially open the Studio and I found this:

You will probably not believe that on my way to the Studio I was thinking: “I have nothing to offer the ladies while the food arrives” Yet, once again, the Lord knew the desire of my heart and He provided. A dear customer and friend had sent me this wonderful arrangement and it blessed me. Not only did it become what I would offer the ladies that came to visit, it also became a reminder of the Lord’s faithfulness in my life.

And then the unthinkable happened! The Bible says that the Lord wants to give us life in abundance… and today He knew I needed flowers. Three other customers walked in with flowers in their hands… Not just any flowers, they were all my favorite flowers!!!

He gave me my favorite colored roses…

Plus He gave me TWO (not just one) orchids, which have a special sentiment for me because they are my mommy’s favorite flowers and so they have become my own favorite…

Every good and perfect gift is from above, the Bible says! I believe it… This morning I was planning to post a picture of a project I made, not knowing that the Lord had a project of His own. What better source of inspiration can I provide than the workmanship of His hands shown in the petals of a rose or an orchid? What better sample of His sweetness than that found on the very fruit He formed? Today the Lord impressed a page on my life: He does give me the desires of my heart and He always does it in abundance!

May the Lord romance you this week with the sweet nothings that your heart desires. May you learn to look at your life and realize that even in the smallest details He is present. May you come to know Him as Faithful and Mighty! His name is Emmanuel: God with us… May He be with you this week!

Love in Christ,

Nana